Breaking Away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I lovedI'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get
onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I lovedI gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come fromI gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
Okay, so the red lines are me agreeing whole heartedly. I know that Brita used this at her open house, but I feel so AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Being in Fairview/Comins/Curran was SO easy. I fit in, I did everything, I was average at most things, I was involved. I lived in that town. I was a part of that community. Here-NO! Not at all. I know that I've told everybody this, but I'm going crazy with so little to do. My classes and homework can only take over so much of my life. It is 11:42 p.m. right here, but I'm not tired because I have not done enough today to make me tired. Two classes and lots of homework are not satisfying. I am going stir crazy currently (poor Katie as a witness)!! I don't want this day to end because it hasn't been worth it. I feel like I need to put more into every day. I've already wasted seven weeks here or something. I feel like I have accomplished nothing.
The worst part is that I don't know what I want to do to have a life. At home, I had my finger in just about every pie, but my finger was perfectly, evenly placed in each pie. I enjoyed alllllll of the pie so now that I'm here I don't know what to choose. I like it all and I don't have a specialty. Theatre? Music? Softball? CELCIS? Wesley? Something new? I want a passion that I can pursue. I want to have been with something all my life and just continue it in college. It's times like now that I wish I would have worked every summer at softball like I did the summer before last. I wish I would have kept up with dance or gymnastics or not quit cheerleading in 9th grade. I wish I would have latched onto something that I enjoyed and become great at it.
So now I am feeling like what would have been different in these past two months if I had just leapt with faith and let go of home more easily? I know that things would be very different. I'm not saying I regret it (it is definitely too soon for that and I don't want to regret things), but maybe I need to look forward and not so backward. Maybe I need to enjoy what I have here and put away what I did have. I still don't know where I'm going or what I can do to change that, but I do need to breakaway a little more. I need to visit home when I need to, but know that I have to be an individual before I can be a part of any one's community. I don't want to hurt anyone at home, but I need to start being Sydney. I need to become an individual and find some stuff out on my own.
On another note, I am preparing to head home this weekend for un fin de semana de picnics, home food, chiropractor, road trip!, concert, pumpkin carving, cider and donuts and movies among other things. I am excited to be home, but not in this moment. I am ready to DO something. I'm not tired because I've done so much homework today, but it may also be because of that silly Hot Cocoa Social we had at 9:30 tonight. Brilliance!
I do have 2 midterms before I head home. I don't know if I'm upset or glad that they are my two worst classes. I do not like Global and International Studies (more on major change in a bit) at all anymore. Actually, I don't remember ever actually enjoying it, but we have a major mid term/scary test on Thursday just before I head to Spring Arbor. I also have my Chinese oral mid term on Wednesday afternoon. I don't mind my Chinese class. It's boring and I don't have the burning passion for it like I do for Spanish, but I'll continue because it's pretty vital. I just have to study the flashcards more and get better acquainted with the vocabulary. Putting sentences together is pretty simple and there is hardly any grammar.
I realized that I haven't posted since I saw my advisor so here is my official update. I went to a walk in advising session and they squeezed me in. It was brief (despite my numerous questions), but to the point. She told me that the best thing to do if I want to translate and interpret is just to concentrate on my languages. When I asked about picking up another language, she encouraged me to double major with it. We talked about whether or not it would be overwhelming, but I think it will work out. I thought about majoring in cultural anthropology, but it became very restrictive. I had to take a lot of electives that were very focused on anthropology. By just minoring in it, I am able to take a lot broader range of classes to complete my majors/minors. I'm pretty much building my own education. It's like a "Build-A-Major" like Build-A-Bear!!
So, my final conclusion the education I am receiving at Western Michigan University:
Double major: Spanish & German
Double minor: Chinese & Cultural Anthropology
Spanish-because I LOVE it and it's extremely marketable and I LOVE it
German-marketable? yes, but also like learning Latin...once I get German down, if ever I need to branch to a Germanic based language, it shouldn't take very long
Chinese-marketable! only a minor is currently offered, but I'll still be able to get in lots of classes
Cultural Anthropology-I have to know how people who speak these languages live, act, what the believe and their culture, obviously. Plus, it gives me the chance to take sweet-o classes!
Sorry this is so scatterbrained. I am thinking the hot chocolate has ramped me up. Please excuse my dear aunt Sally. Actually, please just excuse my whizzing mind. Haha, don't worry, it's whizzing like a Snitch, not otherwise!
Anyway, I'll leave you to this and try to find a quote for Ira.
<3
P.S. This was made a while ago, I'm just now posting.
Coming to Grips
I've been in the "writing mode" all day, but it is slowing slipping from me. All I've wanted to do was sit down and write, write, write. I should be one of those people who carries a notebook in hand everywhere and just writes whatever comes to mind. I love that! Actually, I do carry a notebook everywhere, but I usually resist the urge and push down the inner-author (right terminology for me?) in me. Maybe I'll get one of those really inspiring un-lined, pocket journals with a little pencil and carry it-where else?-in my pocket.
I often have these moments where I start writing something in my head. Sometimes it's what I want to say on here; other times it's what I want to tell someone. The content always gets reworded in my head, but I like coming up with creative ways to say something. It's times like these that I want something in us that records everything we do. I've always had this thought of how neat it would be to have everything about us recorded. We could go into some database and see the exact number, dates and times of everything we have ever done, thought, believed. I recently (compliments of Katie) watched Eagle Eye it had the same general idea. I enjoyed the plot, but the action bored me.
I finally scheduled a meeting with my advisor (more on rushing life later), but they are booked until the end of October. I have an extension on the assignment, but I really want to just go! I like having things nice and planned and figured out. Luckily, there are some drop-in/walk-in hours that I'm going to try to take advantage of.
My classes are starting to pick up speed and are showing me that the slightest bit of procrastination is a big deal. I suppose it's a common lesson to learn, but I don't want to learn it! This morning I had to wake up early so I could head to one part of campus to print off a paper and then to my 8 o'clock class. Now, the computer center is open all night and I could have printed it when-being a night owl-I was up and conscious and doing stuff anyway. I probably would have if I had been able to drive (more on city driving later) there, but it was a long, cold walk in the dark and I wasn't willing to go out in my pajamas or change clothes at 11 last night. Actually, once I'm up I do enjoy fall, morning walks so I decided to get up early this morning. Mistake! I obviously woke up late, had to rush around to get there, forgot my flash drive in my haste (later to be retrieved) and ended up to class early! That was frustrating, but all ended well.
So city driving-I abhor city driving. This is why:
One way streets
Too fast paced when you don't know where you're going
No one really knows what they're doing
I don't know where I'm going
Horns are so darn unfriendly!
NO PARKING!!
you can't park in someone's driveway b/c you don't know anybody here!
That's my city driving rant. Loathe it!
This doesn't pertain to school or classes or anything really, but it's been on my mind for a while. I am a perpetual counter-downer because I love waiting for things. Well...let's rephrase that. I'm not particularly patient, but I enjoy having things to look forward to. I think we all do, but I know that I can get carried away in it. I don't want to count my life away. I don't want to rush everything and get to the end only to realize that I didn't enjoy the in between times.
I suppose this is something long since figured out by wiser people than I, but I'm allowed to learn my own lessons at my own pace in "Earth School," right Grammie? Actually, that loops around to itself. I will not rush my Earth School training. Part of me never wants to finish my training, but I know I'm too young to think about that. Yikes! I'm already beginning to get ahead of myself.
I've pondered that, also. I've thought about living in this moment and having a good balance and mix of remembering the past and planning ahead without living in either one. I want to be able to live in the here and now. I want to enjoy what is happening at this moment, but still appreciate the past and look forward to the future. Being here, that is proving extremely hard.
It is so easy to wish for the past. Things were completely secure when I was at home, when I was in high school, when I had a normal schedule. I knew how to do things, what was expected and what I enjoyed. I wasn't completely satisfied (which I have to keep reminding myself), but it was comfortable.
It's also easy to look forward to the future when: I'm comfortable here and can find my niche at WMU, I know where I'm going and how to get there, I have a career, family, comfort-ability there, too I guess. Maybe I'm seeking comfort now because that is what I feel like I'm lacking (faltar) most currently.
The thing is, I don't think it's good for me to submerge myself in these thoughts and wants. I also don't think it's good for me to completely put them out of my mind. I think I've struck a good balance at this moment. Unfortunately, it's pretty back and forth. It doesn't take much to tip the scales one way or the other (sometimes both) and I get thrown out of whack. It helps to have a visual picture. I think I'll make something colorful and pretty to put on my quote wall for a reminder and to help decorate! =)
I think it's about time to wrap things up. I've pretty much decided to lay low for the rest of this semester. I'm trying some things out. Katie and I are going to a football game this weekend and I'm going to a softball game. I'm also going to a student-led performance on Friday so I'm trying some of lots of things. Hopefully by next semester I'll be a bit more comfortable here, but mostly that I'll find something that I'm extremely interested to occupy my time.
So for now, a quote to keep my chin up:
"I am an optimist because I am short and I can only see the part of the glass that is full!"
The Day has Come
I stole this picture from Charlotte because it gave me a burst of inspiration just for you Mom! I love you, thanks for showing me how to blossom!
Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head
At last, a day that I feel like I have something important to tell even though it's pretty common here! Today, as it was raining and the wind was whipping the stinging rain into my face I pulled out my handy-dandy umbrella and put it almost perpendicular to the ground because I swear it was raining horizontally! I occasionally glanced up to make sure I wasn't going to run into anyone, but I was taking the "back way" and didn't think I would. Just as I was sneaking between two buildings I checked for people and realized that President Dunn was facing the same problem as I, fighting the wind and rain with a HUGE umbrella. He smiled and we briefly greeted each other before getting on with our struggles. I KNOW that all the WMU students tell you how he is so involved in his students and blah, blah, blah, but I thought it was really cool that he was A.)walking B.)walking in the rain C.)walking in the rain, the back way and D.) still thought it appropriate to make sure I was having a "lovely day."
I also had an encounter with one of my professors today. We were meeting in a different place than normal for class and he and I met a few minutes away from meeting place and walked together. He is my intimidating professor so when he asked me what I thought about the class I told him it was a little overwhelming and was a big challenge, but it was also good for me. He was glad to hear it and when he learned that I knew Spanish we had a Spanish conversation. Our class is around 100 students so I was surprised when I offered my first name and he could place it with my last. Unfortunately, now I know that my name will stick out to him and I'll probably be more likely to get called on in class. Maybe that will be my motivation to not fall behind.
For class we met at the study abroad fair and were able to tour the whole show. At first it was mildly chaotic and I was totally unconvinced. It was like all the other WMU "open house" type things that I've been to. It seems that the representatives who will talk are always busy and the other ones don't talk at all so you just end up picking up endless fliers. Today, however, I was able to talk to a lady and I was flat out like, "I speak Spanish. I don't know where I want to go, but I want to be able to use my Spanish. I want to go in the spring of 2011. What do you recommend?" She was really helpful and she went through the options with me. We eventually narrowed it down from 11 choices to 2 and I think from there I've narrowed it down to 1.
I know, I know! You are thinking, "Sydney can't even handle being at Western for more than 4 weeks at a time, how in the WORLD is she going to handle being in another country for an entire semester?" I was thinking the same thing so I sat down and had a discussion with myself. These were my thoughts:
It's hard being here now because I am not doing enough with other people. Yes, my homework takes up most of my time, but I'm still not busy-at all. I'm still trying to get involved with things, but they are slow going. I can't guarantee that I'd be busy in another country, but even just speaking Spanish constantly would probably keep me busy. I'd also be with a host family so I think that would be helpful.
It IS only my first year, first semester. I mean, I have to get remotely used to this sooner or later, right? If I'm not getting better at this by my fourth semester in college, I fail and I shouldn't be doing this.
Overall, it's something that is so vital to my education. It's encouraged for everybody no matter their career path, but it's practically essential for mine. I know it will be fun and thinking ahead makes me really excited.
It's almost time to schedule my classes for next semester. I have to talk to an advisor soon and I think I'm going to be one of those students where all the advisers see me and run! I have a huge long list of open ended questions that will probably take some work to figure out. They say that's what they're there for, but I may be testing the boundaries! The most exciting part is sketching out a four-year plan. I really like having a general idea/map of where I'm going. It's nice to have the outline at least.
So, I'm halfway through my week as of tonight-only two more days of classes. Tomorrow should be filled. So far I have 3 classes, I'm attending a study group to create a presentation on the health of cafeteria food, I'm renting a puppy with Katie and going to a lecture by Tom Friedman. Finally! a schedule with some SUBSTANCE!!
Now, it's off to bed with the rain splattering at my window reminding me that Western is a windy, wet campus.
¡Buenos noches!
Book was Worth the Candle
Apparently I'm the only one who has ever heard this quote. Actually, I read it here on campus. It originates centuries ago when candles were known to be laborious in the making. People knew how much work went into one candle and how precious they were. Hence, a book had to be really good to be "worth the candle." I am hoping that-though in the 21st century-my blog, my experiences, my life are all "worth the candle."
I'm a big, big quote person. That was meant that I'm big on quotes, not really big in size.... So I thought I'd share a few with you. Some I've picked up from books, others whilst quote shopping. Please note: The views expressed by the following quotes may or may not match the views of the messenger. ¡Disfruten!
"The mind is a terrible thing to waste."
"The waist is a terrible thing to mind."
"You don't have to see eye to eye to walk hand in hand."--Rick Warren
"Don't be a loony! Pay with a toony!"--Katie Hall
"I don't know that love changes. People change. Circumstances change."--Nicholas Sparks
"Who has seen the wind? Neither you nor I."--Christina Rossetti
"There is no wave without wind." --Chinese Proverb
"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while."
"For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather
to cheer one on the tedious way,
to fetch one if one goes astray,
to lift one if one totters down,
to strengthen whist one stands." --Christina Rossetti
"I am no longer me; I am part of us."
"What's Jeep? It's the emblem of a warrior!"
"Past and present and future. It is all a unity, all one. We are the same....She never minced words with the Almighty. She believed that God was big enough to shoulder her questions, her anger, her pain....(She) quickly got the message: Good Christians kept their doubts to themselves....Faith and doubt were not enemies, but allies."--Penelope Stokes
Ballad of the Tempest
We were crowded in the cabin,
Not a soul would dare to sleep,
It was midnight on the waters,
And a storm was on the deep.
'Tis a fearful thing in winter
To be shattered by the blast,
And to hear the rattling trumpet
Thunder, "Cut away the mast!"
So we shuddered there in silence,
For the stoutest held his breath,
While the hungry sea was roaring
And the breakers talked of death.
And thus we sat in darkness
Each one busy with his prayers,
"We are lost!" the captain shouted,
As he staggered down the stairs.
But his little daughter whispered,
As she took his icy hand,
"Isn't God upon the ocean,
Just the same as on the land?"
Then we kissed the little maiden,
And we spake in better cheer,
And we anchored safe in harbor
As the morn was shining clear
James T. Fields
Love, love, love! I could interpret this very deeply, but I'm not in the mood. I was reminded of it actually when I was in my first ever job interview (well, real one) today! More on that later--but one of the things they asked me to do was to describe a time when I found it hard to stay positive. Most of the teachers at Fairview started to push the whole "think positive" thing my senior year. It was probably in some teacher textbook that year because here is my theory. Teachers have textbooks and the big cheeses telling them what to do, right? I think they are basically students who then teach other students. So I can just see the high school teachers of Fairview gathered around one of the circle tables in the teachers' lounge(/student lounge for some FHS kids) talking about "things to focus on" before school starts each year. Anyway-the teachers pushed the whole "think positive" thing my senior year.
At first it's really silly. It sounds silly and juvenile. It's like the character counts in elementary school. Yeah, in theory they actually work and they are just the waaay simplified version of what a model kid needs to do. The thing is: they are so stupid that the kids don't listen. They know they need to be kind, honest, trustworthy and so on, but they don't actually think about how to do that for real. But if the kids really thought about it, it's true. Yes, we learned it in kindergarten with Mrs. Money, but nobody does it. Nobody leads by example, I mean-come on...Mom and Dad just told me that they didn't buy me a desk for Christmas. That's not very kind and in the end, they weren't being very trustworthy when they said that!
I guess basically I'm groping for the same thing that all the other people who are trying to reform the people of the world are groping for. I want to find the words that really hit people and they say, "Yeah, my life would be so much better if I was positive a tiny bit more." I recently had one of those realizations. I realized that it was really, really easy to be negative and to complain and to dwell on the bad things. I also knew that misery enjoys company so it's easy to share with your friends. Usually, they don't get very turned off by someone's complaints, but it never makes anyone's day better. Your woes don't put a smile on someone's face, they are just as contagious as a smile, but they aren't nearly as enjoyable.
Now, when I have a complaint on the tip of my tongue, I put it in the back of my mind. If it keeps finding its way to my tongue, I write it down. It's not as bitter when it's on paper, but if I still can't get rid of the taste that is the time to let someone know. It's still nice to tell someone when something is wrong, but I don't feel the need to tell everyone about every one of my mishaps (more on 'mishap' later for Brita). Plus, I think I'm more pleasant to be around! :D
Lately, I have been falling out of the habit of writing as much to myself and my mouth has been overflowing with nasty, unsatisfying and unnecessary words. I think it's time to "clean up my act" or at least my mouth and rid myself of silly, meaningless things that get me nowhere except the bottom of someone's "I love taking to ____" list!
After all that, I just love when the captain's daughter is the one who reminds everyone that God is always with them. I also love that the poem insinuates that had they not restored a positive attitude, they wouldn't have been safe. That was the point of this whole thing, originally at least.
Whew, I don't know how you guys enjoy reading this entire thing, but I'll keep going until someone begs me to stop. I guess I'm not forcing you to read this.
So I had my first for real job interview today. I actually got really excited for it, but I'm not really sure why. I think I was just glad for something to distract me from my homework. It was an excuse to procrastinate. I was so excited for it that I started officially planning my outfit last night through a phone conversation. I would like a vote as to whether or not this combination would have looked remotely normal: white shirt with a white "shrug"--basically a shortened blazer. There was an open debate last night and it has yet to be resolved. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. There is no middle ground.
Beside the outfit I went to the computer lab to revise and print of a brand new copy of my resumé. I reorganized my portfolio, reviewed potential questions and answers in my head and tidied everything up in general. All-in-all, I did everything Mrs. Handrich taught us to do. Long story short: I WAY over prepared! They didn't care about my portfolio. It's just a student ambassador job. They smiled and stifled a chuckle when I handed them my perfectly un-wrinkled, stark white resumé and though I'm still going to send a "Thank You" note, I know that I will be the only one of hundreds to do so. Maybe, in the end it will all work out for the better and the job will be gotten because I put in some extra effort, but I sure am glad they don't know how long I deliberated over which words to use on my resumé.
I have been incredibly blessed with a great roommate. Her name is Katie Hall (we love to say Katie Hall, Sydney Small when we introduce ourselves and smile non-subtly at the rhyme). She is from Iowa and a Vocal Jazz Major (super cool, I know). Tonight we are having our second movie night since we moved in exactly one month ago today!! The last few nights we've stayed up giggling like all girls should, even in college. We are currently contemplating whether or not the ceilings can be made of cement in our res. hall. Again, comments would be appreciated as to whether or not this is even possible/probable.
She is from West DesMoine so she educates me on the "city life" and I tell her about riding with Ira on his tractor to spend time with him. She's never been on a motorcycle, ice skating or snowmobiling so she is going to spend at least a weekend in Comins this winter and we will give her some good, small town culture! :D
I was home last weekend for the Black Bear Festival after being down here for three weeks. I'm not headed home again until the weekend of the 23rd with Brita and SAU friends (more on SAU for Brita later)! This will be my longest stretch down here because I've been fortunate enough to head home so often already. It will be long, but I think it will end up being fine as I start to have more things to fill my time.
So for now, I am going to get ready for a night of television. I have no classes tomorrow and for that I am thankful. The homework is reaching levels dangerously close to my ears and needs to be beaten back before I can tackle more classes on Monday.
You are welcome to read my blab to Brita, but I'm sure you will not find it as interesting as she will.
I wish you a red skied evening.
My dearest Brita:
I have been thinking of the word 'mishap' all day, I can't get it out of my head. Lately, having my Chinese class and learning the new characters (which seems impossible because you can't even sound them out!) I've been thinking of how we read. And of course 'mishap' does not look like it sounds. If a person just learning English were reading an English dialogue they would almost inevitably mispronounce it, right? It makes me wonder where it comes from.
Oh! and I saw a girl with a WMU sweatshirt just like the one you got for Courtney with the pink letters and white polka dots. It made me happy! I miss you and I'm über excited for our October weekend. We will have lots of fun! Call me whenever and we will work out details when the 23rd gets close to us! Have a happy weekend!
P.S. Sorry about the weird spacing issues, I can't figure out what's wrong...Sorry!!
