Worth the Candle

We were crowded in the cabin,

Not a soul would dare to sleep,

It was midnight on the waters,

And a storm was on the deep.

'Tis a fearful thing in winter

To be shattered by the blast,

And to hear the rattling trumpet

Thunder, "Cut away the mast!"

So we shuddered there in silence,

For the stoutest held his breath,

While the hungry sea was roaring

And the breakers talked of death.

And thus we sat in darkness

Each one busy with his prayers,

"We are lost!" the captain shouted,

As he staggered down the stairs.

But his little daughter whispered,

As she took his icy hand,

"Isn't God upon the ocean,

Just the same as on the land?"

Then we kissed the little maiden,

And we spake in better cheer,

And we anchored safe in harbor

As the morn was shining clear

James T. Fields

Love, love, love! I could interpret this very deeply, but I'm not in the mood. I was reminded of it actually when I was in my first ever job interview (well, real one) today! More on that later--but one of the things they asked me to do was to describe a time when I found it hard to stay positive. Most of the teachers at Fairview started to push the whole "think positive" thing my senior year. It was probably in some teacher textbook that year because here is my theory. Teachers have textbooks and the big cheeses telling them what to do, right? I think they are basically students who then teach other students. So I can just see the high school teachers of Fairview gathered around one of the circle tables in the teachers' lounge(/student lounge for some FHS kids) talking about "things to focus on" before school starts each year. Anyway-the teachers pushed the whole "think positive" thing my senior year.

At first it's really silly. It sounds silly and juvenile. It's like the character counts in elementary school. Yeah, in theory they actually work and they are just the waaay simplified version of what a model kid needs to do. The thing is: they are so stupid that the kids don't listen. They know they need to be kind, honest, trustworthy and so on, but they don't actually think about how to do that for real. But if the kids really thought about it, it's true. Yes, we learned it in kindergarten with Mrs. Money, but nobody does it. Nobody leads by example, I mean-come on...Mom and Dad just told me that they didn't buy me a desk for Christmas. That's not very kind and in the end, they weren't being very trustworthy when they said that!

I guess basically I'm groping for the same thing that all the other people who are trying to reform the people of the world are groping for. I want to find the words that really hit people and they say, "Yeah, my life would be so much better if I was positive a tiny bit more." I recently had one of those realizations. I realized that it was really, really easy to be negative and to complain and to dwell on the bad things. I also knew that misery enjoys company so it's easy to share with your friends. Usually, they don't get very turned off by someone's complaints, but it never makes anyone's day better. Your woes don't put a smile on someone's face, they are just as contagious as a smile, but they aren't nearly as enjoyable.
Now, when I have a complaint on the tip of my tongue, I put it in the back of my mind. If it keeps finding its way to my tongue, I write it down. It's not as bitter when it's on paper, but if I still can't get rid of the taste that is the time to let someone know. It's still nice to tell someone when something is wrong, but I don't feel the need to tell everyone about every one of my mishaps (more on 'mishap' later for Brita). Plus, I think I'm more pleasant to be around! :D

Lately, I have been falling out of the habit of writing as much to myself and my mouth has been overflowing with nasty, unsatisfying and unnecessary words. I think it's time to "clean up my act" or at least my mouth and rid myself of silly, meaningless things that get me nowhere except the bottom of someone's "I love taking to ____" list!

After all that, I just love when the captain's daughter is the one who reminds everyone that God is always with them. I also love that the poem insinuates that had they not restored a positive attitude, they wouldn't have been safe. That was the point of this whole thing, originally at least.

Whew, I don't know how you guys enjoy reading this entire thing, but I'll keep going until someone begs me to stop. I guess I'm not forcing you to read this.

So I had my first for real job interview today. I actually got really excited for it, but I'm not really sure why. I think I was just glad for something to distract me from my homework. It was an excuse to procrastinate. I was so excited for it that I started officially planning my outfit last night through a phone conversation. I would like a vote as to whether or not this combination would have looked remotely normal: white shirt with a white "shrug"--basically a shortened blazer. There was an open debate last night and it has yet to be resolved. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. There is no middle ground.

Beside the outfit I went to the computer lab to revise and print of a brand new copy of my resumé. I reorganized my portfolio, reviewed potential questions and answers in my head and tidied everything up in general. All-in-all, I did everything Mrs. Handrich taught us to do. Long story short: I WAY over prepared! They didn't care about my portfolio. It's just a student ambassador job. They smiled and stifled a chuckle when I handed them my perfectly un-wrinkled, stark white resumé and though I'm still going to send a "Thank You" note, I know that I will be the only one of hundreds to do so. Maybe, in the end it will all work out for the better and the job will be gotten because I put in some extra effort, but I sure am glad they don't know how long I deliberated over which words to use on my resumé.

I have been incredibly blessed with a great roommate. Her name is Katie Hall (we love to say Katie Hall, Sydney Small when we introduce ourselves and smile non-subtly at the rhyme). She is from Iowa and a Vocal Jazz Major (super cool, I know). Tonight we are having our second movie night since we moved in exactly one month ago today!! The last few nights we've stayed up giggling like all girls should, even in college. We are currently contemplating whether or not the ceilings can be made of cement in our res. hall. Again, comments would be appreciated as to whether or not this is even possible/probable.

She is from West DesMoine so she educates me on the "city life" and I tell her about riding with Ira on his tractor to spend time with him. She's never been on a motorcycle, ice skating or snowmobiling so she is going to spend at least a weekend in Comins this winter and we will give her some good, small town culture! :D

I was home last weekend for the Black Bear Festival after being down here for three weeks. I'm not headed home again until the weekend of the 23rd with Brita and SAU friends (more on SAU for Brita later)! This will be my longest stretch down here because I've been fortunate enough to head home so often already. It will be long, but I think it will end up being fine as I start to have more things to fill my time.

So for now, I am going to get ready for a night of television. I have no classes tomorrow and for that I am thankful. The homework is reaching levels dangerously close to my ears and needs to be beaten back before I can tackle more classes on Monday.

You are welcome to read my blab to Brita, but I'm sure you will not find it as interesting as she will.

I wish you a red skied evening.

My dearest Brita:

I have been thinking of the word 'mishap' all day, I can't get it out of my head. Lately, having my Chinese class and learning the new characters (which seems impossible because you can't even sound them out!) I've been thinking of how we read. And of course 'mishap' does not look like it sounds. If a person just learning English were reading an English dialogue they would almost inevitably mispronounce it, right? It makes me wonder where it comes from.

Oh! and I saw a girl with a WMU sweatshirt just like the one you got for Courtney with the pink letters and white polka dots. It made me happy! I miss you and I'm über excited for our October weekend. We will have lots of fun! Call me whenever and we will work out details when the 23rd gets close to us! Have a happy weekend!

P.S. Sorry about the weird spacing issues, I can't figure out what's wrong...Sorry!!