Coming to Grips
I often have these moments where I start writing something in my head. Sometimes it's what I want to say on here; other times it's what I want to tell someone. The content always gets reworded in my head, but I like coming up with creative ways to say something. It's times like these that I want something in us that records everything we do. I've always had this thought of how neat it would be to have everything about us recorded. We could go into some database and see the exact number, dates and times of everything we have ever done, thought, believed. I recently (compliments of Katie) watched Eagle Eye it had the same general idea. I enjoyed the plot, but the action bored me.
I finally scheduled a meeting with my advisor (more on rushing life later), but they are booked until the end of October. I have an extension on the assignment, but I really want to just go! I like having things nice and planned and figured out. Luckily, there are some drop-in/walk-in hours that I'm going to try to take advantage of.
My classes are starting to pick up speed and are showing me that the slightest bit of procrastination is a big deal. I suppose it's a common lesson to learn, but I don't want to learn it! This morning I had to wake up early so I could head to one part of campus to print off a paper and then to my 8 o'clock class. Now, the computer center is open all night and I could have printed it when-being a night owl-I was up and conscious and doing stuff anyway. I probably would have if I had been able to drive (more on city driving later) there, but it was a long, cold walk in the dark and I wasn't willing to go out in my pajamas or change clothes at 11 last night. Actually, once I'm up I do enjoy fall, morning walks so I decided to get up early this morning. Mistake! I obviously woke up late, had to rush around to get there, forgot my flash drive in my haste (later to be retrieved) and ended up to class early! That was frustrating, but all ended well.
So city driving-I abhor city driving. This is why:
- One way streets
- Too fast paced when you don't know where you're going
- No one really knows what they're doing
- I don't know where I'm going
- Horns are so darn unfriendly!
- NO PARKING!!
- you can't park in someone's driveway b/c you don't know anybody here!
That's my city driving rant. Loathe it!
This doesn't pertain to school or classes or anything really, but it's been on my mind for a while. I am a perpetual counter-downer because I love waiting for things. Well...let's rephrase that. I'm not particularly patient, but I enjoy having things to look forward to. I think we all do, but I know that I can get carried away in it. I don't want to count my life away. I don't want to rush everything and get to the end only to realize that I didn't enjoy the in between times.
I suppose this is something long since figured out by wiser people than I, but I'm allowed to learn my own lessons at my own pace in "Earth School," right Grammie? Actually, that loops around to itself. I will not rush my Earth School training. Part of me never wants to finish my training, but I know I'm too young to think about that. Yikes! I'm already beginning to get ahead of myself.
I've pondered that, also. I've thought about living in this moment and having a good balance and mix of remembering the past and planning ahead without living in either one. I want to be able to live in the here and now. I want to enjoy what is happening at this moment, but still appreciate the past and look forward to the future. Being here, that is proving extremely hard.
It is so easy to wish for the past. Things were completely secure when I was at home, when I was in high school, when I had a normal schedule. I knew how to do things, what was expected and what I enjoyed. I wasn't completely satisfied (which I have to keep reminding myself), but it was comfortable.
It's also easy to look forward to the future when: I'm comfortable here and can find my niche at WMU, I know where I'm going and how to get there, I have a career, family, comfort-ability there, too I guess. Maybe I'm seeking comfort now because that is what I feel like I'm lacking (faltar) most currently.
The thing is, I don't think it's good for me to submerge myself in these thoughts and wants. I also don't think it's good for me to completely put them out of my mind. I think I've struck a good balance at this moment. Unfortunately, it's pretty back and forth. It doesn't take much to tip the scales one way or the other (sometimes both) and I get thrown out of whack. It helps to have a visual picture. I think I'll make something colorful and pretty to put on my quote wall for a reminder and to help decorate! =)
I think it's about time to wrap things up. I've pretty much decided to lay low for the rest of this semester. I'm trying some things out. Katie and I are going to a football game this weekend and I'm going to a softball game. I'm also going to a student-led performance on Friday so I'm trying some of lots of things. Hopefully by next semester I'll be a bit more comfortable here, but mostly that I'll find something that I'm extremely interested to occupy my time.
So for now, a quote to keep my chin up:
"I am an optimist because I am short and I can only see the part of the glass that is full!"
posted by Sydda @ 7:49 PM
3 Comments:
9 days to reunion!!!
Ahhh, Syd, wise beyond your years, to be sure.
Trouble is balancing that wisdom and still being
new at so many things, but you're doing a fine job! And, yes, that's right, being here in Earth
School, balancing the past and the future with staying in the present - an awesome accomplishment, to say the least. You're way ahead of the game just seeing that now!
Let me remind you, ever so gently, that all the
safe things of the past - school, events, towns,
driving, etc - at one time were new and intimidating, too, and your challenges now will
shift to the "known", quickly replaced by new
"unknowns" - Life changes, and we must go with it.
Our best tools are patience (especially with ourselves), laughter, befriending failure (the best step to success) and faith that our
lives count and are intimately watched in an
seemingly impersonal Universe. I love you!
How about this "colorful quote" to post where you can always see it --- "Encourage Yourself!!"
:):):):)
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